I really liked him. Like him? I don't know. We kissed. It's not really shocking that I took it too personally. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Just a naive kid, I guess. Always have been. I had heard bad things about this guy.
"He's a player."
"He's a jerk."
"He's a douche-bag."
I told them that until he crossed me, I had no right to judge him on what others say. I would have to learn for myself. I learned.
You think you're going to be different. I think it's just something in our nature as humans. We want to believe we can change someone. We're going to be the girl that makes him faithful. We're going to be the girl that makes him realize why it never worked out with anyone.
FALSE.
Guys like this don't change.
FALSE.
Guys like this don't change for girls like me. Why? Beats me. I'm the nice girl. The girl that listens. The girl that doesn't put out. The girl who will always be there for you.
He's the bad boy. Goes out with tons of girls but isn't looking for anything serious.
Girls like me go crazy for boys like that. We want to be the one who tames the bad boy. Well, we can't. We can try. Oh, and we will try. We will try until it kills us; until we collapse from exhaustion on our bed, too tired to cry, brain on overload. We think about him all the time.
Doesn't matter. He doesn't think about us. Why would he? He has other girls to think about. Girls who'll give him everything he wants. No chase. Just sluts.
What happens now? Do I see him everyday and pretend like nothing happened? Pretend like we didn't kiss; didn't share secrets?
I guess I don't have a choice.
I care.
You don't.
Simple as that.
Ha! I wish it was that simple. If it were as simple as that, I could move on. Nope. It's not simple. There's always going to be a piece of me that belongs to you. A piece that wishes things would've worked. A piece that will hold on to that night for the rest of my life; a piece that will hold on to you.
I don't hold a place in your heart. I'm just another name, number and pair of lips on your sick and twisted list.
I just have to accept that.
Hopefully I will. Soon?
